i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
