and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
