she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
