There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
