i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I have post one night stand depression
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
