no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
