3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
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