Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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