More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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