i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
where are my pants?
in the oven.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
