He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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