I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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