Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
