I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
