I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was born a porn star she said
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
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