i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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