Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities