oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.