Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.