I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."