At least make sure they are 18
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
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My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.