A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.