We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
