Your dad touched me again.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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