i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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