i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
