The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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