What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
