Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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