I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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