I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
