singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
