Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I need a beard to bite.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
