The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
