I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
