i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
