If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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