Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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