I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
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he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
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Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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