hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
