What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
