I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
