yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
