i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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