I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
