I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
