the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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