My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
