i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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