Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
