i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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