My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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