I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
