Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
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