There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
