Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
