Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize