i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
