last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
