I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
