Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
