on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
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He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
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I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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