I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
