R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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