my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
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