where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
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I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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