Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Say something about gay babies.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
