i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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