people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
