he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
