There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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