i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
