come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
My cat gives me a boner
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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