I accidentally had phone sex last night
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
