i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
