Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
He felt like a one man threesome
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Randomize
