3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
