What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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