birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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