do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up under a house in Key West
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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