you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
She needs sedatives and a leash
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
