Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
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We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
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You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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