thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
